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grimorieMom passed away yesterday afternoon and she was a fighter 'til the very end.
She's been fighting cancer for more than a decade, back then the doctor told her she had a few months to live but she fought it off, had a remission and lived free of cancer for 10 years.
Then she had a relapse in 2008 but it really came back with a vengeance in 2009 and, again, the doctors said she had months to leave at best. The tumor was pressing on her spine and she couldn't move from the waist down. My mom loved to move, she loved to travel and she loved driving around she never once had any complaints fetching us from school no matter the time or the place. I don't know how devastating it must have been to be told she might never walk again, I never once saw her cry about it, the only moments I did was when she was in such terrible pain but never about not walking or the possibility of dying so soon before her time.
Despite the doctors telling her she might not walk again, she did. She worked hard for her therapy and after a few months after the diagnosis she was taking her first steps. In fact the whole year we saw her improving so much we began to make plans on the places we could take her. She loved walking around the grocery with her cane and seemed happy just doing that... then December rolled around and during a party, one of the few she was able to attend. I was shocked how thin my mom was. I saw her everyday but it wasn't until I saw her around people how thin my mom has gotten. This set off alarm bells in my head especially when I noticed she had trouble breathing but we were in denial, especially mom but in January we couldn't shake it off any more and we had mom admitted in the hospital.
There we were told her cancer has metastasized in her lungs and in her brain and the doctors informed us that she had weeks to live. This hit me hard because all through the other times despite the grim words I was sure mom would beat the cancer but this time I wasn't so sure and the uncertainty was so hard. My brother and I broke the news to my mother and I couldn't help myself, I broke down in tears.
But mom took the news well and told us she's accepted it for a long time now and its actually us she was worried for. We brought her home after that and all her siblings, like in 2010 returned home and, again, mom beat the odds. Instead of deteriorating she was doing well. She was walking around again, albeit with the oxygen tank constantly dogging her steps.
We all had pictures taken and everything seemed happy but eventually her siblings and parents had to return to Canada...
And I noticed she became a little depressed at that but one of her brothers returned briefly for a visit and she was so happy about that.
Not long after I began to notice behavioral changes and I should have taken notice and I should have kept my word to stop being in denial and admit her into the hospital. Except we were all in denial again and it wasn't until last Tuesday when I noticed how alarmingly disoriented she was that I began to panic but denial was key and it wasn't until Thursday afternoon that we admitted her in the hospital and that's when the doctors said she had weeks to live.
Mom beat the odds so many times I thought she would beat it this time again, all she requested was that we bring her home. She wanted to be brought home so much, in fact, the day we left for the hospital she looked so much like she intended to return home.
On the day she was about to be discharged she was diagnosed with pneumonia and we were advised not to bring her home and on Saturday evening, she fell asleep. She never gained consciousness again. I never had time to talk to her after that and I just wanted to find a way to bring her home. On Sunday things took a turn for the worst but her body, to the very end was keeping strong its her brain that was deteriorating and its so hard to see that.
But until the very end, unconscious and her brain shutting down, she fought against dying, it wasn't until my family was urging her on and, I guess, not until I really accepted that I couldn't bring her home and told her that we would all be okay that she finally let go.
Like she lived her life there was no fanfare or drama, she simply slipped away.
Mom fought a good, long fight and there were times we all thought she could beat this but even the best and the bravest fighters have to rest and at least, now she is no longer in pain. We love her all so much and she is the very best of us. Rest in peace, mom.
She's been fighting cancer for more than a decade, back then the doctor told her she had a few months to live but she fought it off, had a remission and lived free of cancer for 10 years.
Then she had a relapse in 2008 but it really came back with a vengeance in 2009 and, again, the doctors said she had months to leave at best. The tumor was pressing on her spine and she couldn't move from the waist down. My mom loved to move, she loved to travel and she loved driving around she never once had any complaints fetching us from school no matter the time or the place. I don't know how devastating it must have been to be told she might never walk again, I never once saw her cry about it, the only moments I did was when she was in such terrible pain but never about not walking or the possibility of dying so soon before her time.
Despite the doctors telling her she might not walk again, she did. She worked hard for her therapy and after a few months after the diagnosis she was taking her first steps. In fact the whole year we saw her improving so much we began to make plans on the places we could take her. She loved walking around the grocery with her cane and seemed happy just doing that... then December rolled around and during a party, one of the few she was able to attend. I was shocked how thin my mom was. I saw her everyday but it wasn't until I saw her around people how thin my mom has gotten. This set off alarm bells in my head especially when I noticed she had trouble breathing but we were in denial, especially mom but in January we couldn't shake it off any more and we had mom admitted in the hospital.
There we were told her cancer has metastasized in her lungs and in her brain and the doctors informed us that she had weeks to live. This hit me hard because all through the other times despite the grim words I was sure mom would beat the cancer but this time I wasn't so sure and the uncertainty was so hard. My brother and I broke the news to my mother and I couldn't help myself, I broke down in tears.
But mom took the news well and told us she's accepted it for a long time now and its actually us she was worried for. We brought her home after that and all her siblings, like in 2010 returned home and, again, mom beat the odds. Instead of deteriorating she was doing well. She was walking around again, albeit with the oxygen tank constantly dogging her steps.
We all had pictures taken and everything seemed happy but eventually her siblings and parents had to return to Canada...
And I noticed she became a little depressed at that but one of her brothers returned briefly for a visit and she was so happy about that.
Not long after I began to notice behavioral changes and I should have taken notice and I should have kept my word to stop being in denial and admit her into the hospital. Except we were all in denial again and it wasn't until last Tuesday when I noticed how alarmingly disoriented she was that I began to panic but denial was key and it wasn't until Thursday afternoon that we admitted her in the hospital and that's when the doctors said she had weeks to live.
Mom beat the odds so many times I thought she would beat it this time again, all she requested was that we bring her home. She wanted to be brought home so much, in fact, the day we left for the hospital she looked so much like she intended to return home.
On the day she was about to be discharged she was diagnosed with pneumonia and we were advised not to bring her home and on Saturday evening, she fell asleep. She never gained consciousness again. I never had time to talk to her after that and I just wanted to find a way to bring her home. On Sunday things took a turn for the worst but her body, to the very end was keeping strong its her brain that was deteriorating and its so hard to see that.
But until the very end, unconscious and her brain shutting down, she fought against dying, it wasn't until my family was urging her on and, I guess, not until I really accepted that I couldn't bring her home and told her that we would all be okay that she finally let go.
Like she lived her life there was no fanfare or drama, she simply slipped away.
Mom fought a good, long fight and there were times we all thought she could beat this but even the best and the bravest fighters have to rest and at least, now she is no longer in pain. We love her all so much and she is the very best of us. Rest in peace, mom.
