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A Nightmare
Jul. 26th, 2004 12:33 pmI had a very chilling nightmare last night that had, as always the mixture of Buffy in it. But the terrifying part of it wasn't that I strayed in the Buffyverse but because of something personal that's linked to Buffy.
In fact, in my dream I was Buffy. Wish fulfillment? Maybe in a strange and terrifying way.
My dream was set in an amalgam world of Buffy season 5,6 and 7.
It began horrifyingly enough with the discovery that my mother, on her way from the office, dies. My mother not Buffy's. I don't recall if it's a car accident or something else, all I could remember is that she wasn't supposed to stay that late in the office, or gone at all but she did.
Then I just sat down on this cushioned bench, and I was Buffy trying to deal with what I've seen or what Giles was telling me. But all I could think about was that my mom had plans, she was going to Europe. She wasn't supposed to die and I won't be able to see her. Not anymore.
I was in shock. Buffy was in shock.
Then Willow and Faith were beside me, trying to be comforting but strangely I, or at this point, Buffy didn't trust Willow. Buffy felt betrayed by Willow's turning evil, more so than Faith's. She was angry and afraid but focused on the rage rather than face her fears.
So Buffy goes to my mother's office and somehow there are demons there so Buffy just whales on the creatures pouring her frustrations, her fears. After they're all gone, I was left in this puddle of blood and ichor, Faith and Willow very far away.
Then I was crying, or Buffy was, it's very confusing, then I just say: "But she was going to Europe."
As if that meant something. I could just see the days stretch without my mother like a big yawning black hole because she won't ever be in my life again.
And finally, thankfully I wake-up.
I wasn't covered in sweat, I wasn't gasping, it wasn't anything like the books or the movies portray it to be. I just open my eyes and was awake. Downstairs I could hear my mother's voice calling my name but the after images of the nightmare and the desperate feeling remained with me.
In fact, in my dream I was Buffy. Wish fulfillment? Maybe in a strange and terrifying way.
My dream was set in an amalgam world of Buffy season 5,6 and 7.
It began horrifyingly enough with the discovery that my mother, on her way from the office, dies. My mother not Buffy's. I don't recall if it's a car accident or something else, all I could remember is that she wasn't supposed to stay that late in the office, or gone at all but she did.
Then I just sat down on this cushioned bench, and I was Buffy trying to deal with what I've seen or what Giles was telling me. But all I could think about was that my mom had plans, she was going to Europe. She wasn't supposed to die and I won't be able to see her. Not anymore.
I was in shock. Buffy was in shock.
Then Willow and Faith were beside me, trying to be comforting but strangely I, or at this point, Buffy didn't trust Willow. Buffy felt betrayed by Willow's turning evil, more so than Faith's. She was angry and afraid but focused on the rage rather than face her fears.
So Buffy goes to my mother's office and somehow there are demons there so Buffy just whales on the creatures pouring her frustrations, her fears. After they're all gone, I was left in this puddle of blood and ichor, Faith and Willow very far away.
Then I was crying, or Buffy was, it's very confusing, then I just say: "But she was going to Europe."
As if that meant something. I could just see the days stretch without my mother like a big yawning black hole because she won't ever be in my life again.
And finally, thankfully I wake-up.
I wasn't covered in sweat, I wasn't gasping, it wasn't anything like the books or the movies portray it to be. I just open my eyes and was awake. Downstairs I could hear my mother's voice calling my name but the after images of the nightmare and the desperate feeling remained with me.
