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Jan. 10th, 2014 06:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
grimorieFour deaths since November and early January but I think my Lelang's death is the one I'm particularly affected by mostly because I knew Lelang the longest.
Lelang was the sister of my grandfather (father side), she was the youngest of three children, and the only girl in the family. So she was the one most doted on.
Lelang and her brothers grew up with their grandmother, they grew up during the Japanese Occupation, and despite that my great grandmother did a superb job in raising my grandfather, Lelang and Lolo J.
The three of them grew up to form their own family unit.
Lolo J (the eldest) had four children, and now had five grandchildren.
Lolo R (my grandfather) and Mama Dee have seven children and fifteen grandchildren (including myself).
Lelang had six children and twelve grandchildren.
So, we're quite a clan.
Unfortunately both Lolo J and R died an untimely death, one from cancer and the other from a tragic accident, and the youngest of three suddenly found herself matriarch of a young clan.
I didn't realize, until last night that when my aunts said that she was a surrogate dad to them that they meant that she really stood in for their fathers when her brothers passed away, and that she helped her sisters-in-law bear the terrible pain of losing their husbands while nursing her own pain, and taking care of her own children.
That's quite a feat.
But she was bound and determined to keep everyone together.
She succeeded wonderfully.
In everything she remained elegant and poised, and a fixture in all our lives.
Every December 24 the whole clan would gather in her house and celebrate Christmas Eve. Her house was a three story home, and the earliest memories I had was running around her home, racing up and down the stairs and, memorably running straight for her glass sliding door because it was cleaned so well I didn't realize the glass door was there!
The next memory was when I was ten or so after I had my appendix removed and I woke up from my operation, and she was right there with my mom, chatting.
Who knew this woman, who was so active and alive, who lived through the Japanese Occupation, who survived the death of her two brothers and kept the family together would suddenly be gone?
She kept the family together out of sheer force of will and personality.
Who could possibly predict that last December 24 would be our last Christmas with her? Or that the last day I would see her so alive would be on December 29 in another wake to boot!
It was such a shock to receive the news that she had a stroke that same night, and even a greater shock to see her a day later in the Neuro ICU, hooked up to various machines.
Her hair, which she always had coiffed (she always had tales how she had her hair fixed even while giving birth!) was flat on her skull and she looked so pale, so different from the Lelang I knew!
(I never saw my mom hooked up to machines like she was, and it seemed even more terrible to see on Lelang.)
Perhaps the greatest regret I have is that, because of how intimidated I was of her, because of my own shyness I didn't make an effort to get to know her better.
And that's a regret I'm going to carry for a long time because there were so many things I didn't know about her, things I only knew now because of the stories my aunts and cousins told about her.
That she was a woman with a great generosity of spirit isn't a surprise, but I regret not knowing how much she helped my father and his siblings. I kind of thought I always had time to learn her other stories but we've ran out of time. Its another hard lesson, I suppose, that we don't really have about how unpredictable life is.
It's such a cliche thing to say that we should live life to the fullest, but its true.
Lelang lived a full life, she didn't let tragedy break her and she managed to keep our family together. She was a fantastic, and wonderful woman. I'll miss her terribly.
Lelang was the sister of my grandfather (father side), she was the youngest of three children, and the only girl in the family. So she was the one most doted on.
Lelang and her brothers grew up with their grandmother, they grew up during the Japanese Occupation, and despite that my great grandmother did a superb job in raising my grandfather, Lelang and Lolo J.
The three of them grew up to form their own family unit.
Lolo J (the eldest) had four children, and now had five grandchildren.
Lolo R (my grandfather) and Mama Dee have seven children and fifteen grandchildren (including myself).
Lelang had six children and twelve grandchildren.
So, we're quite a clan.
Unfortunately both Lolo J and R died an untimely death, one from cancer and the other from a tragic accident, and the youngest of three suddenly found herself matriarch of a young clan.
I didn't realize, until last night that when my aunts said that she was a surrogate dad to them that they meant that she really stood in for their fathers when her brothers passed away, and that she helped her sisters-in-law bear the terrible pain of losing their husbands while nursing her own pain, and taking care of her own children.
That's quite a feat.
But she was bound and determined to keep everyone together.
She succeeded wonderfully.
In everything she remained elegant and poised, and a fixture in all our lives.
Every December 24 the whole clan would gather in her house and celebrate Christmas Eve. Her house was a three story home, and the earliest memories I had was running around her home, racing up and down the stairs and, memorably running straight for her glass sliding door because it was cleaned so well I didn't realize the glass door was there!
The next memory was when I was ten or so after I had my appendix removed and I woke up from my operation, and she was right there with my mom, chatting.
Who knew this woman, who was so active and alive, who lived through the Japanese Occupation, who survived the death of her two brothers and kept the family together would suddenly be gone?
She kept the family together out of sheer force of will and personality.
Who could possibly predict that last December 24 would be our last Christmas with her? Or that the last day I would see her so alive would be on December 29 in another wake to boot!
It was such a shock to receive the news that she had a stroke that same night, and even a greater shock to see her a day later in the Neuro ICU, hooked up to various machines.
Her hair, which she always had coiffed (she always had tales how she had her hair fixed even while giving birth!) was flat on her skull and she looked so pale, so different from the Lelang I knew!
(I never saw my mom hooked up to machines like she was, and it seemed even more terrible to see on Lelang.)
Perhaps the greatest regret I have is that, because of how intimidated I was of her, because of my own shyness I didn't make an effort to get to know her better.
And that's a regret I'm going to carry for a long time because there were so many things I didn't know about her, things I only knew now because of the stories my aunts and cousins told about her.
That she was a woman with a great generosity of spirit isn't a surprise, but I regret not knowing how much she helped my father and his siblings. I kind of thought I always had time to learn her other stories but we've ran out of time. Its another hard lesson, I suppose, that we don't really have about how unpredictable life is.
It's such a cliche thing to say that we should live life to the fullest, but its true.
Lelang lived a full life, she didn't let tragedy break her and she managed to keep our family together. She was a fantastic, and wonderful woman. I'll miss her terribly.
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Date: 2014-01-10 12:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-10 01:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-10 03:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-11 01:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-01-10 04:25 pm (UTC)I am sorry. She sounds like an amazing woman and surely the person you have become is in part due to the person that she was. May you be comforted.
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Date: 2014-01-11 01:33 am (UTC)